The Dog Days Are Over
by S.Humphries
Summary: Grief is a funny thing. Post These Arms of Mine. A much needed conversation between Derek and Meredith set in season seven. One shot with a possibility for more...


"_Do people treat me differently now, after the shooting?" Cristina asked, repeating the camera man's question, "Uh, well, um... I mean, uh yeah, you're here filming me," she paused and looked away. "I mean, people like to say what I did was heroic, but I wasn't. It was just a thing that I had to do. I think people like to have a hero and it makes them feel better to think that they're in the middle of that horror that there's someone special working medical miracles. I don't have super special medical powers. I mean, I did.."_

"_Cristina is a hero, especially to me. The truth is most surgeons could not have done what she did that day," Meredith finished looking pointedly at the camera putting her hand over Cristinas. _

God, it was weird watching herself on camera for the documentary after the shooting. She paused the screen because she _knew _what happened next. She tucked her feet underneath her and debated on watching the rest. The documentary people had sent everyone at Seattle Grace Mercy West a screener. The film was going to air in a week and everyone in the world would watch her, Derek, Cristina, Alex, Mark, Lexie, Avery, April and Bailey talk about that day. The day she wished she could erase completely from her memory. She looked down at the DVD cover in her lap, the words Seattle Grace: The Road to Recovery were haunting her.

In the last eight months, none of them had recovered. Sure, life had gone on but the pain of that day continued to sting. It marred the hospital walls forever. Meredith still had issues walking on the catwalk. She would never look down, but straight ahead, as if she had tunnel vision. If she looked down, she would visualize Derek bleeding out in front of her. An image that was already seared into her memory. She remembered it like it was in slow motion. She remembered Cristina's hands around her, pulling her away, protecting her from a bullet.

She remembered the pain. She remembered wincing knowing that the life she and Derek created, was gone. The dark red stains were a permanent reminder of what she had lost. Of what she could have had. Intuitively, her hands went to her abdomen. She wished she was still pregnant. She would have been nine months pregnant, she thought wistfully. If she were being honest with herself, she never let herself grieve. She and Derek glossed over the grief. He had only asked her if she was okay. He was too busy in his own grief, feeling responsible for eleven deaths. Only Meredith, grieved over the twelfth. Their baby was an innocent victim in his destruction too.

She debated on whether or not to hit play, but decided since Derek already told his family about it she probably should just finish it. Twenty-five minutes later, Meredith was balling on the couch. She wished she had seen the signs earlier. She wished she was more attentive to her best friend who was slowly slipping away from her into a really dark unreachable place. Their friendship had frayed, and sometimes Meredith felt that she didn't know her anymore. She wasn't the competitive, scalpel hungry, emotionless robot she had once been. Cristina Yang was more human than Meredith knew.

"What are you doing?" Derek asked quietly walking into the living room seeing his wife sobbing on the couch. "Are you okay, Mer?" he asked enveloping her into his arms. "I'm okay," she said, "I was just watching the documentary. We got a screener today, and I just didn't realize how much Cristina was drowning. I didn't see it Derek. I was too lost in my own pain to see hers. What kind of friend am I? She saves your freaking life, right with a gun pressed to her head, and doesn't flinch. She does it for me," Meredith whispered, "She did it for me."

Derek put an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into him, "I'm a terrible person. I mean we had a lot of crap to deal with, but she's my person, Derek. And she was drowning and I didn't throw her a life preserver," Meredith finished. "Are we going with an lifeguard metaphor, Mer?" He teased trying to lighten the mood. "Well, it fits," she mumbled, "Did I tell you that she knew about the baby before you did?" Meredith asked and Derek flinched thinking of that day. "No," he said shaking his head, "You didn't."

"I was happy, like really freaking happy. I never thought I'd be a mother, Derek. But when that stick turned pink, suddenly, it was all I wanted," she admitted with a sigh, "And then it was gone." Derek was quiet, and contemplative. "Derek," Meredith said studying him, "You have you're thinking face on."

"We'd be parents next month," Derek said sadly.

"Yeah," Meredith said, "I thought the same thing today… You know," she began tentatively, "We never talked about_ it._ I just sort of blurted it out in a jumbled mess because I was so pissed at your speeding. Granted, I was pissed about everything. I was mad at you for being so reckless. I was angry I wasn't cleared for surgery. I was helpless in watching Cristina spiral, and I was pissed at myself for the miscarriage."

"It wasn't your fault, Meredith," Derek said, "You couldn't prevented it."

"But what if I could have?" Meredith asked looking at him.

"Mer, miscarriages happen. It doesn't mean that we won't eventually be parents," he paused, "I felt the loss though," he admitted, "And when Mark told me Callie was pregnant, I wanted to punch him.. again." He confessed.

"Thank god you didn't," Meredith said taking his hand, "We can't risk those two million dollar hands," she joked.

Derek chuckled, "We can try, you know, for a baby. We did get pregnant on birth control," He reminded her. "I don't know if I'm ready, yet," Meredith said evenly, "I mean, I want a baby but I'm… terrified. I could loose it again."

"I can't promise that won't happen," Derek said, "But, maybe, if we lean into faith the universe will come our way."

"The universe does owe us," Meredith said, "We could always just practice and you know, if it happens it happens."

Derek smiled, "So should we start practicing now?" He asked giving her one of his charming smiles that she found so irresistible. She leaned in and kissed him, "You're incorrigible."

"To know me is to love me," Derek said laughing.

"You already got into my pants once with that line," Meredith said reminiscing. "But I'm willing to let it slide."

"Well, slide your pants off, Mer." He joked as she wrapped herself around him losing herself in his arms.


End file.
